Unexpected Feeling

Unexpected Feeling 

Its such an unexpected feeling 
that every time I see your name 
or your face
or you talking to her 
it makes me feel so much rage
pain 
and betrayal. 

I have said it over a hundred times by now 
we all had parts to play 
on the nights 
in question

But what kind of man are you 
when you know how strong my feelings are
....were for her 
and you go and do that. 

If she kissed first
it would be a whole different story 
but you did it. 
You actively chose her 
over my feelings. 

I man who I once respected 
and trusted 
above all others 
and you 
you my "friend" 
go and stab me in the heart 
with a sharp prick of dishonesty
and desperation. 

Once more, you can't handle 
what you've done to me 
for feeding what I'm struggling with 
and helping it evolve into something
that I need the comfort of the most trusted friend 
to battle it. 

But no. 

I wonder while you are in the land of a mouse 
you see things that remind you of me 
and I that my friendship with you 
is haunting
Knowing forever more, 
that if I never come back 
it is simply because you proved to me 
that I can't rely on the one friend 
who I was always there for. 

Because I've forgiven myself 
for my anxious urges.
I've forgiven her, 
for feeling what she is feeling. 

But you 
You....
....I've tried 
but each time we talk 
you make it worse 
because you aren't man enough 
to face your actions 
and flee behind friends 
that I can't be with 
and talk to a girl 
I was in what I hoped would be the truest love. 

Its an unexpected feeling 
feeling all this anger 
when I look 
at your name.