Should I?

Should I? 

Should I attempt again? 
Not in the way I have before. 
A mental suicide and even though I am alive 
I disappear into the shadows 
of the ones that I call "friends." 

The sword is a double edged blade and I wield it 
careful to new people. 

But i can't now trust it with those I know? 
Or more accurate, "knew" 

Its weird to think that home is this 
roost of boys and girls 
who only think of the now 
and high school affairs. 

Forever stuck in in the past. 
Why is it I despise it? 

I have so far lived a good life. 

I understand everyone struggles. 
But....I am so envious of everyone
with their plights?