Still Born

Still Born 

I was born a living still born. 

Dead in the fluid of life. 

Alive in the breath of death. 

I wonder if thats where you come from. 

Since life and death 

to me is something 

I fear. 

I love. 

I want both 

due to both meanings give me everlasting peace. 

I accept that you exist now

and that you dwelled in my mind 

feeding off the surpressed pain of all these years. 

The heart break. 

The loss. 

The hate. 

The anger. 

The silencing of my voice while my head screamed. 

You are like a long lost friend, 

a fossil of my own newborn death. 

I agree with you. 

I want to end it all 

in a drowned whisper. 

You and I though 

didn’t expect to 

despite our monstrous ways, 

to be revered. 

I get reminded of the good 

I helped create in this world with others 

during this time of self inflicting crisis. 

I sought these hopes in an effort 

to escape the ghastly tendrils 

of your coaxing suicide. 

For all these years 

was I running away from you? 

Was my charitable presence selfish 

for my own survival 

and remind me that I matter? 

Agree to disagree. 

Thats me. 

The man who carries everlasting life. 

The man who carries never ending death.