Missing Cog

Missing Cog 

Sometimes his words 
comes back into my head 
when I talk to you 
or anyone else. 

That I'm wrong
and he's right. 

That I am pretty monstrous 
and maybe I should stop looking 
for people to talk to 
because in the end
I could just end up hurting them. 

I hate how he makes me feel like 
I can't talk to you
because everything I do 
makes me feel like I'm hurting you 
and proving his point 
that I'm a monster. 

Monster 
Monster 
Monster with the missing cog. 

I take a breath and try and think of the positives 
to some 
I am a monster
but not in the fearful term 
I'm just different 
and misunderstood. 

Its easy to call someone a "monster" 
when they don't know the story 
behind the beast with the missing cog. 

What that missing cog is? 

I don't know. 

For all I know, I have it 
and they are the ones that are missing it. 

But at the same time
who knows. 

I guess of late
I fear that I'm being remembered more for my wrongs
than the rights that I try to do 
in the name of friendship and love. 

Maybe I'm no better than a man 
who raises a fist 
in the name of God.