What I Miss
Its an odd thing
to miss
but I miss flying down
from my travels
and have that exhilarating rush
in my heart.
I am a lucky one.
I am young to this world
but I've already done so much.
I've gone to the bottom of the ocean
swimming among pirate ships
and encountering creatures
that will never taste
the fresh taste of air.
I've gone to the rim of Lost Worlds
and see animals unknown to our world problems
live their lives in herds
in prides
and play in the circle of life.
I've gone to isolated stretches
of deep rain forests
and lived in the brief shoes
tribes men that until recently
learned what English even sounded like.
I've met celebrities on whims
and talented souls
that continue to inspire me
to pursue my own passions.
I have dug into the Earth
and pulled out the remains
of titans and beings
that nothing existing has seen.
I've created worlds and creatures
and some of them
achieve life amongst the very things
that inspired them.
I've battled my own demons
in ways that some can relate
while many
many can not.
With all of that.
With all I've done in a measly
twenty three years.
I miss those flights on planes
when I was touching down somewhere
knowing it to be "home"
and that at the terminal.
There was someone there.
Someone with big eyes.
Someone with a smile.
Someone with an embrace for me.
Just for me.
And it is then that I am humbled.
Because despite all that I've done.
She would remind me
that there will always be more to the world
for us to explore.
I miss that feeling.
Sondering Poetry
A poetry blog. I hope you enjoy these poems. These poems explore silly to serious issues so this has at least a PG-13 rating. Enjoy my works. All poems are penned by: Henry Winston Ball
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
A Wall
A Wall
Sometimes it feels like a wall
or a missing line that I do not know.
The worst thing is that its starting to act up
quite monstrously again.
The more I feel like I'm behind a wall
the more the wall becomes a prison
and I know I am the one that put me there
but not becomes I'm a villain.
But if I stay behind that wall enough
I start to think I am.
While on the other side of the wall
I can feel free and ready to fly
but then I notice my feathers aren't as pretty
as the other fliers.
My isolation behind the wall
makes it harder for me to connect
and then I wish I was behind the comfort of the wall
and I desperately try and get behind it.
And when I do
the cycle begins all over again.
And in my age, I now just wish
for a life of in-between
and not one that is so white and black.
Sometimes it feels like a wall
or a missing line that I do not know.
The worst thing is that its starting to act up
quite monstrously again.
The more I feel like I'm behind a wall
the more the wall becomes a prison
and I know I am the one that put me there
but not becomes I'm a villain.
But if I stay behind that wall enough
I start to think I am.
While on the other side of the wall
I can feel free and ready to fly
but then I notice my feathers aren't as pretty
as the other fliers.
My isolation behind the wall
makes it harder for me to connect
and then I wish I was behind the comfort of the wall
and I desperately try and get behind it.
And when I do
the cycle begins all over again.
And in my age, I now just wish
for a life of in-between
and not one that is so white and black.
Hurricane
Hurricane
Its odd to think how long ago that was
but really it was just a blink of an eye.
The memories of that week
only come to me when someone
says "Hurricane"
I read about it in a comic
and it made me laugh.
Honestly, my memories of our love
are starting to fade from feelings
to just well
memories.
I still remember the bad ones,
but I do my best to remember the good ones.
The drives around the City of Music
the lazy afternoons in your room studying
the cold nights on the beach when a new year would toll.
Most of all,
I remember that weekend
when we tried to fix what we lost.
If only I had known the truth
and wasn't so focused on how much it hurt
I sometimes wonder if you would still be
that small but big thing in my life.
Our love was like a hurricane,
the farther apart we were
the most destructive we got.
But in the center of that chaos,
it was always peaceful with a chance of rain.
But like most hurricanes,
these memories are seasonal and eventually fade.
Their presence only remembered in stories
and old dusty pictures
hidden away.
Its odd to think how long ago that was
but really it was just a blink of an eye.
The memories of that week
only come to me when someone
says "Hurricane"
I read about it in a comic
and it made me laugh.
Honestly, my memories of our love
are starting to fade from feelings
to just well
memories.
I still remember the bad ones,
but I do my best to remember the good ones.
The drives around the City of Music
the lazy afternoons in your room studying
the cold nights on the beach when a new year would toll.
Most of all,
I remember that weekend
when we tried to fix what we lost.
If only I had known the truth
and wasn't so focused on how much it hurt
I sometimes wonder if you would still be
that small but big thing in my life.
Our love was like a hurricane,
the farther apart we were
the most destructive we got.
But in the center of that chaos,
it was always peaceful with a chance of rain.
But like most hurricanes,
these memories are seasonal and eventually fade.
Their presence only remembered in stories
and old dusty pictures
hidden away.
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Sometimes....
Sometimes...
I wish it was caused by substance.
I wish it caused by the drink.
Or the music.
Or all the pleasurable things
that a man can do
to cause him his erratics.
But in truth
I am not like most men.
Some call it a gift,
I know I do at times
but at other times its a curse
to know for sure
that it is your faults at play.
Triggered by the simplest things.
A messaged unanswered.
A voice not spoken.
Distant faces in a crowd.
The feeling that a wall that everyone but I
can penetrate.
A word or a memory
that carries the scares
that were at the cause of self-discovery.
People say they can listen
but I can tell its hard.
No one really wants to hear internal suffering,
to see the monsters and open scares of the mind
hidden at first behind warm smiles,
for it is the hardest to relate.
And at our age
no one can handle the truth
that this world is a lot darker
than I like to say it is.
I wish it was caused by substance.
I wish it caused by the drink.
Or the music.
Or all the pleasurable things
that a man can do
to cause him his erratics.
But in truth
I am not like most men.
Some call it a gift,
I know I do at times
but at other times its a curse
to know for sure
that it is your faults at play.
Triggered by the simplest things.
A messaged unanswered.
A voice not spoken.
Distant faces in a crowd.
The feeling that a wall that everyone but I
can penetrate.
A word or a memory
that carries the scares
that were at the cause of self-discovery.
People say they can listen
but I can tell its hard.
No one really wants to hear internal suffering,
to see the monsters and open scares of the mind
hidden at first behind warm smiles,
for it is the hardest to relate.
And at our age
no one can handle the truth
that this world is a lot darker
than I like to say it is.
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Nightmares
Nightmares
My nightmares always seem to be
about the same thing.
Over and over again.
It is I,
in this present,
trying to redeem friendships
that I have lost in the past.
When I made some of my most
life changing mistakes,
the revelations that set me down
this long and uphill road,
I take some comfort that they are happy.
Those magnificent people
who were the friends
that inspired me to be strong....
I miss them terribly.
And yes,
I still do have some of those friends
back in the lands of yester years,
when I began my journey in this new found life.
But some memories...
...some moments....
will always make me smile
while at the same time
reminds me of a horrible truth.
That I am a man
who has committed sins
and still must work
on his own self redemption.
My nightmares always seem to be
about the same thing.
Over and over again.
It is I,
in this present,
trying to redeem friendships
that I have lost in the past.
When I made some of my most
life changing mistakes,
the revelations that set me down
this long and uphill road,
I take some comfort that they are happy.
Those magnificent people
who were the friends
that inspired me to be strong....
I miss them terribly.
And yes,
I still do have some of those friends
back in the lands of yester years,
when I began my journey in this new found life.
But some memories...
...some moments....
will always make me smile
while at the same time
reminds me of a horrible truth.
That I am a man
who has committed sins
and still must work
on his own self redemption.
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Had another...
Had Another....
Dream about you.
Again.
They happen from time to time.
Whenever I except how much
I now fear being intimate
with most.
But then I go to sleep with this fear
and I have a dream
all about being close to you.
How it was never hard
to love you.
It was...just love
it was hard
easy
stressful
and fun.
Sometimes
when I look at the knitted memories
I still carry
since they no longer hurt me
or try give me some
unrequited hope,
I whisper to myself
"I love you still."
Sometimes I wonder
if its just the memory
or I just still feel
the connection.
A shame
that we may never see each other again
for I am here
and you are there.
And for me
I no longer belong there.
In fact,
I don't belong in anyone's there.
Dream about you.
Again.
They happen from time to time.
Whenever I except how much
I now fear being intimate
with most.
But then I go to sleep with this fear
and I have a dream
all about being close to you.
How it was never hard
to love you.
It was...just love
it was hard
easy
stressful
and fun.
Sometimes
when I look at the knitted memories
I still carry
since they no longer hurt me
or try give me some
unrequited hope,
I whisper to myself
"I love you still."
Sometimes I wonder
if its just the memory
or I just still feel
the connection.
A shame
that we may never see each other again
for I am here
and you are there.
And for me
I no longer belong there.
In fact,
I don't belong in anyone's there.
Monday, February 16, 2015
Could Have...
Could Have...
I could have done more
when I really thought about it,
but I thought I made it clear
that I had feelings for you.
I thought I said "I liked you"
"I wish I was there"
"We could wake up together"
"You make me happy"
But then again,
it could have been all in my head.
Like it always is.
And like it always is
I always some how to burn something
and leave another scar.
Sometimes I wish I didn't unknowingly wittle away
all because I decide to take a chance
and like someone more than I honestly want.
And whats worse
that side of me
the cruel and more human side
wishes to just prove you wrong
that it was a two way street
and show you the exact places
in which you misread
my words
on the extent of how I feel.
It seems whenever I use my heart
it just causes more confusion
because deep down
I've always been afraid
to let someone in
due to the past
where I always placed
second place
due to timing.
I could have done more
when I really thought about it,
but I thought I made it clear
that I had feelings for you.
I thought I said "I liked you"
"I wish I was there"
"We could wake up together"
"You make me happy"
But then again,
it could have been all in my head.
Like it always is.
And like it always is
I always some how to burn something
and leave another scar.
Sometimes I wish I didn't unknowingly wittle away
all because I decide to take a chance
and like someone more than I honestly want.
And whats worse
that side of me
the cruel and more human side
wishes to just prove you wrong
that it was a two way street
and show you the exact places
in which you misread
my words
on the extent of how I feel.
It seems whenever I use my heart
it just causes more confusion
because deep down
I've always been afraid
to let someone in
due to the past
where I always placed
second place
due to timing.
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