Vague Memories

Vague Memories 

Keep sneaking in 
when I come into emotional dead ends 
between myself and the fairer sex. 

Some say the stars, 
mostly the rings of Saturn 
have some astrological pull 
on my otherwise terrible dating life. 

Others say that I need to filter more often 
and not push so much of myself 
out of the open. 

You know, 
talk about the weather and whats on tv 
than creatures that are either long extinct 
or just a simply fantasy. 

And there are some that say I'm still too young 
which bugs the hell out of me 
since it seems that most everyone I know 
has someone or something that 
keeps them warm 
under the sheets. 

And it is in these moments of doubt
I remember the year 
that dwells in the memories now 
of my heart and soul. 

I remember a lot of the bad, 
but I also remember a lot of the good. 

Maybe my soul 
personality 
and style 
is a bit unorthodox. 

I'm slightly overweight 
and in a constant struggle to improve
my inner as well as my outer self. 

But I get these memories, 
usually of that giggle 
the smile
those eyes that will always remind me 
of fall days in the sun 
cold nights on the beach 
spring songs in the rain 
and summers full of pitfalls and change. 

I don't believe 
that I will ever get her back
and if I did 
I probably wouldn't believe it. 

But she still fell in love with a former me. 
If she could do it once. 

Then someone


someone has to find me 
and I her 

Because who ever it is 
that will one day bring 
a final chapter that turns 
my story 

to our story, 


is probably smiling 
laughing 
and wondering 
like me, 
where the hell am I? 

Saturn

Saturn 

In astrology 
celestial rings 
circle a sphere 
that is destined to drift 
in a vast and limitless space. 

The stars shine 
moments that take years
centuries 
to reach us. 

Some believe 
it is here 
in the nothingness of space
that our destines are held and planned. 

Horoscopes and cycles 
match up with our everyday 
fueling a belief 
on the who 
and hows of what we are. 

Is there a merit 
behind these fantastic notions? 
That objects that are high and unseen by 
our naked eye 
look down on us 
nudge us
shape us 
to represent what they truly believe is right 
to wander in their heavenly homes? 

A full moon can cause one to be riddled with 
anxiety. 
The stars can shine brightly in the distance and 
inspire. 
The sun radiates its fiery and central lights to 
illuminate. 
The night with its darkness and mystery can 
hide. 

Do the interstellar lines 
serve us as guidelines 
for the independent soul
or they more like the strings 
for a pantheon of planets and stars 
to play with? 

In this belief 
of lines crossing 
that we bring
mind over the natural laws 
to lead us 
to our predicted beliefs.  

Sonder15

Sonder15

And so 
another Auld Lang Syne 
whistles through the timelines 
symbolizing yet another year 
that I'm still here. 

Its amazing how much things have changed
in the past two years. 

I've gone from falling 
to now a more control falling some would call flying. 

I've gone from a grim reality 
to a more realistic one. 

My armor is dented 
but still protects me. 

New opportunities 
help make way for new hardships. 

Teetering between evolutionary salvation 
and damnation to extinction. 

But I'm still here 
writing crappy poetry 
believing in the strangest things
falling in love with things that are from afar 
or right near me.  

People have faded 
come back 
and faded again. 

But its okay. 
That is life. 
The Regen14 has come to a close 
for I am a new me that has never been tested. 

There is no more hiding 
there is no more real fear of nothing. 

Its just me 
and this world
and we are both going to sonder along 
and whistle a tune 
until the next Aud Lang Syne. 

Faraway Spots

Faraway Spots 

Faraway spots 
drift in and out of my mind  
as I prepare for the minutes
hours, 
and days ahead. 

I think of you. 
and me. 
Nothing really romantic 
but at the same time 
not just a usual friendship  
of doing nothing. 

Just kind of enjoying the presence
that the other brings to 
well to put it bluntly 
the lonely road we accepted reluctantly 
to stroll on. 

My heart wanders 
as I walk among these foreign streets 
thinking of this one and that 
in my own personal quest of desire 
to fill a hole that is long been just a hole. 

But then I get a word of you
a snap of a smile
a moment of your day 
and it infatuates me 
to the point where nothing bad can happen 
as long as I know you are on  
the other side of those invisible lines 
that can connect my written thoughts
to yours. 

I teach 
you create 
I build worlds
and you see beyond ours. 

If there is some kind of inkling of something
that grows 
it is a new one on me 
since the happiness I feel 
when I see that smile 
that carries light despite the 
storms that toss and turn you. 

That albatross smile 
guides me to safe harbor 
for its nice to see 
that I'm not the only one 
lost at sea 
but still knowing that one day 
we'll make it ashore 
to faraway spots 
in this wide wide world. 

A Good Man

A Good Man 

I was always told 

to be a good man. 

But as I grow older 

I realize that this 

idea is simply and utterly 

just an idea. 

It is impossible to be as good of a man  

because it requires 

demands 

that the needs of others  

are much more important 

than your own base desires 

that inspire you to grow 

You can lose your self to being 

a good man 

to the point you forget who you are. 

Now there are bad men in the world

men who are too selfish 

unlike the good men 

who are entirely too unselfish 

You don't be a good man. 

You try to be. 

Or thats what I tell myself 

every day when the sun stirs me 

from the dark slumbers of sleep. 

I am alone in this world

full of people who struggle 

laugh

love 

fall out of love 

There is so much noise

and now I see 

that I should try and be a kind 

and good man. 

And your attempts are rewarded 

in those smiles from those

who see that you are not just an idea 

but a real 

and tangible thing. 

A good man is just an idea 

but a man who tries to be good 

and do the right thing 

without being dishonest with himself

or others. 

Now that...that is a man 

who I will strive to be. 

Yester Year

Yester Year 


Hard to imagine
that in the yester year 
this was a night full of tears 
fears 
and shadows. 

My only friends where people  
I would eventual hurt 
and only recently find peace with. 

Self loathing demons feasting on scars 
and words fed by people who's unknowing toxicity 
made my temperament of compassion 
a weakness and not a source of strength. 

The coming week during that yester year
saw a shimmer of hope 
in the form of a sudden adventure to see a film so dear 
with two friends who held me up 
when I could barely stand myself. 
That Friday would forge the counting hours 
of an internal struggle between the hard 
and the easy ways 
to cure my recent discovery of the monsters 
in my battered skull. 

In this present though 
I'm still here 
and I will not hide the fact 
that a lot of tears have been shed. 
My heart broke completely, 
twice as a matter of fact, 
as I tried to reestablish myself 

but the story has continued
continues to be my own 
and many days will continue to come. 

That ghost of yester year 
will always haunt me 
but a good ghost story
makes one inch closer
to warm lights. 

Historia

Historia 

As the histories reflect 
the ripples that got me to where I am now 
in front of this imported laptop 
in a foreign land 
where the only light that can be cast around at 2 am 
is one of a laptop glow 
that allows the images and songs 
of things all over my known world 
try and comfort me 

I think about the struggles that I am facing 
had faced 
will face 

And though the world around me isn't silent 
my mouth is one that is 
and in that silence I find a kind of fear 

--------------------------------------

and leave those words 
that are written above linger and almost fade 
but a future rights 
that everything will be okay 
because history is made for 'his story' 
and my story 
is one for the age